


Dear to me

by Sylvalum



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Avengers Vol. 8 (2018), Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvalum/pseuds/Sylvalum
Summary: Tony has made peace with the fact that Steve will never love him back, except then a half-asleep Steve tells him that he loves him, swiftly launching Tony’s third existential crisis this month.And the Avengers have a baby now, which is shaping up to be the fourth.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 172





	Dear to me

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Avengers (2018) and pretty much nothing else. Written mostly before Avengers #32, posted now because i can’t bear to look at it any longer.

Returning to Avengers Mountain last night felt as if he was coming back from being lost at sea on a long and gruelling journey. You’re lost in space or stuck in the past for weeks, but as soon as you return back to the Avengers - Steve clapping you on the back, the rookie telling you _ you’ll never believe what happened while you were gone _ \- and Tony promptly forgets every time he swore and cursed _ never again. _

To come home, to be able to take off the armour and to not have to be the one to pull himself out of the fire anymore - the pull of it gets him every single time.

This time, T’Challa tells him, “Glad that you’ve returned, Iron Man. We’ll debrief in the morning.”

Carol shrugs and nods at him, and Tony inclines his head right back at her, and then she leaves with Robbie before Tony has the time to say anything - and Steve, the last of the Avengers awake or available at this hour, turns to Tony. Steve’s brilliant at drawing attention and making people listen when he’s speaking, changing the very gravity of a room, but not here. Not tonight. He’s wearing civvies and smiling a little at Tony, and _ there- _ the exact moment which makes Tony forget about how many complaints he’d been sitting on.

“It’s good to have you back,” Cap says. “Now get some rest.”

Tony’s lip twitches, half a smile. “I’ll think about it.”

And Tony leaves, shucks the armour, takes a shower, considers heading down to the lab - but in the end, reasons that the mountain labs won’t have all the specific tools he wants and that either way he hasn’t slept in a real bed in far too long, and he might as well heed Cap’s advice. So he puts on pyjamas and lies down in bed. Carefully avoids thinking about the last few weeks. Closes his eyes. 

* * *

His sheets are very soft. The muted whirr of systems installed within the Celestial’s corpse are soothing, and completely different from the sounds inside of a cave in a blizzard. When someone wakes Tony only - he glares at the display by his bed - an hour and a half after he’s fallen asleep, he feels briefly homicidal and then resigned but annoyed about it. “What is it _ now?” _ he yells at the door, stumbling out of bed.

His armour’s in pieces on the floor; he could be ready to go in twenty seconds.

“Emergency meeting!” Robbie shouts back from the corridor. “The heating broke!”

What? thinks Tony, stupidly, because his room is perfectly warm, just like earlier at his preferred temperature. It takes Tony embarrassingly long to realise that the heating system must only have broken in _ some _ parts of the Mountain, and when he steps out into the corridor the sudden cold promptly cuts him to the bone. 

He thought he was done freezing. He steps back inside his room for a night robe then joins the grumpy crowd in the corridor.

T’Challa, clad in a parka, quickly explains the situation. Apparently the heating systems broke in a section of the living quarters because of unexpected complications connected to a failed attempt to improve the system, so now all the poor unfortunate ones whose rooms are without heating have to bunk with the others. Nobody wins! T’Challa and Robbie decide to share, and Carol takes one look at Tony then asks Jennifer if she can share with her. Tony doesn’t feel hurt by this in the least, especially not since Steve still needs someplace to stay and Tony can offer him that.

“Guess you’ll bunk with me then,” Tony says, looking at Steve.

He shrugs, his smile tight. "If you don't mind…"

"Of course not," Tony says, _ you can have anything I could give you, _ and, "Let's get settled in."

Steve goes to grab a pillow from his room but is back quickly, too quickly, because now they enter Tony's bedroom side by side. The others have already gone back to bed and Tony's door is the last to close.

He takes a deep breath and turns back to face the room, and Steve, dear Steve who's been in his life as long as the Avengers, who Tony has loved for a ludicrous amount of time- even through times when loving Steve was the worst thing he could possibly feel, like the worst kind of weakness, just another hole in his armour. Like losing control. 

But not tonight. Not when Steve gingerly takes the other side of the bed and Tony feels the mattress dip, feels Steve settle, hears him let a content sigh slip as he pulls up the covers. Tony’s covers. In Tony’s bed.

“Goodnight,” Steve mumbles. He sounds like he definitely doesn’t care, at all.

“Night,” Tony replies. Tony’s anxious heart beats too fast but it’s okay. That’s a natural body reaction to Steve’s long wanted proximity. Hearing Steve slowly breathe in the dark at his back thrills and soothes Tony in equal measure; there were times when Tony felt like he would’ve given anything to have this.

It’ll be a long time before Tony manages to fall back asleep, but that doesn’t matter. Steve doesn’t love him back, not like that - never like that - but none of that matters as long as Steve is safe and happy. Just listening to him breathe and knowing he’s lying but a feet away is enough. Has to be enough.

Tony closes his eyes, content to drift off with that feeling. Feels his breathing slow.

And then Steve rolls over, _ closer _ to him, mere inches away and Tony can feel his warm breath against the back of his neck. It’s like being stabbed with adrenaline, but Tony doesn’t let his muscles lock up. He breathes out, carefully, breathes in. All Tony’s senses are hyperfocused on Steve at his back, Steve breathing right next to his ear. How his perfect superhuman breaths are so even it almost sounds like he’s faking it, and how he then he mumbles, “Love you so much.”

And forget about earlier, _ this _ is when Tony’s heart stops.

* * *

Steve couldn’t find it in him to be enough of a gentleman to sleep on the floor last night, the allure of a warm bed with Tony in it far too appealing to him. What can he say? He was cold, he was tired. Now in the harsh light of morning, when Tony keeps alternating between staring at him and refusing to look at him and keeps bumping into or knocking over things, even more scatterbrained than usual, Steve deeply regrets it. Clearly he overstepped some kind of boundary last night - he woke up alone, and all Tony’s said to him today is _ good morning. _

He’d just been so happy to have Tony back. The inability to ask for things is a common trait among the Avengers, but still Steve keeps hoping that Tony would tell them when he needs assistance instead of just suddenly dropping off the radar for days at a time to fight his way out alone.

They have had earth-shattering arguments about this - but none of that would make Tony stop, and this time everything turned out just fine.

Steve keeps out of Tony’s way as they move around the kitchen together, easily adding this night and morning to the list proving that Tony will never ever in a million years consider dating Steve. While Steve is, of course, really happy for Tony that he came out, Steve also knows that _ even if _Tony is bisexual he hasn’t ever been interested in Steve before and won’t be now either, or at any point in the future, but Steve’s idiot heart doesn’t care. If his feelings for Tony haven’t gone away in all these years then they never will.

So Steve’s in love with his best friend. And? Many worse things have happened. Tony’s never going to find out if Steve has any say in the matter - just loving Tony from afar, as friends, like this, is enough for him.

It’s not like Tony’s the only person Steve’s ever loved, either.

Right.

Carol and Robbie enter the kitchen just then, Carol stumbling in a moment after Robbie, and gratefully Steve turns to face them and says brightly, "Good morning. I thought we could all try sparring today, if T'Challa doesn't have anything else planned."

“Hey,” Carol grunts in answer and heads straight for the coffee-maker, while Robbie takes a seat at the table and says,

“Okay, sparring, sure. But did you tell Iron Man about Starbrand yet?”

“Tell me what?” Tony says, looking up from his coffee mug.

“Nope,” Steve says, calmly. “Why don’t we all go and _ show _ Tony, instead?”

The nursery T’Challa arranged for to be built is the most secure room in the Mountain, located in the torso of the Celestial. The floor is carpeted and very soft, the wallpaper cheery yellow, and there's nothing smaller than an orange in the whole room, with the sharpest thing around being the doorway. From the outside you'd never suspect it's a nursery, so when their group step through Tony falters in the doorway and stares at the crib.

"Starbrand… had a baby?"

"She _ is _a baby."

"Wow," Tony says, and then doesn't say anything for a whole three seconds. "Is she… Are her parents…?"

Carol shakes her head. Steve says, heavily, "She has no next of kin."

Tony nods, slowly, then walks over to the crib. Steve and Carol trail after him, while Robbie hangs back by the door. 

They've wavered over choosing a name for her - she needs a name, of course, but no one feels presumptuous enough to seriously suggest one. So far Stella and other names meaning ‘star’ are at the top of their list, with simply giving her the name of her mother right below those. Steve wonders whether Tony will have any suggestions, now that he’s here - but for now, Tony doesn’t say anything.

They watch the baby sleep for a moment.

As soon as she wakes everyone will automatically be alerted by their Avengers card, so there’s really no need to worry. The nursery is as secure as it can be. Nothing could happen to her while she’s in the Mountain.

Baby Starbrand makes a snuffling sound in her sleep and flexes her tiny little hand before stilling again.

All the Avengers have a responsibility here. Steve hopes like hell that they won’t disappoint her.

“Well,” Carol says, eventually. “I have things to do, so now that you’ve been informed…”

“Oh?” Tony says. Carol swats at his shoulder.

“Yeah, so bye,” Carol says and turns, Robbie leaving after her. Tony looks at Steve, shifts a little, and Steve gets the hint and bows out before Tony has to make any excuse too.

* * *

So, they have a baby now, apparently. That’s a thing that has happened. The Avengers, gaining custody of a tiny human child-

Tony is in the workshop of the Mountain, poking listlessly at one armoured boot. Being away from proper tools so long must have Done Things to his head, because he just can’t focus like he should be able to. Honestly. He was gone for _ days, _ why couldn’t the heating have broken on any of those nights instead?

Tony can’t stop thinking about what Steve said. Mumbled. Murmured, but who cares! It happened and it’s driving Tony mad. Maybe Steve meant it platonically! Maybe Steve thought Tony was someone else then, half-asleep as he was, and _ did _ mean it romantically, but only and exclusively if Tony had been someone else in bed with him! Maybe Tony simply _ heard it wrong, _ no matter that Steve whispered it _ right _ in his fucking ear. 

Tony feels like he's going mad.

Either way, Tony obviously can’t hold it against Steve or expect anything from him or ever even mention this in front of him. Tony can keep it a secret for the both of them; he's very good at hoarding secrets.

Tony always tries to be a good friend and teammate.

He can do this. He has to.

After another minute of peering at the innards of the boot heel, unable to decide whether he should try to make it sturdier or make the repulsors stronger or scrap the design altogether in favour of building a suit specifically to withstand arctic temperatures, he puts the boot down and gets up. He might as well just go upstairs and check on Starbrand, since he’s not getting anything done here either way. Human contact is essential for healthy baby development. Tony knows this because he used to do volunteer work at orphanages, and he’d be stupid and spineless not to use the knowledge he’d gained there to care for Starbrand.

Tony heads to the nursery, and finds T’Challa already there, sitting next to the crib with his helmet in his hands. Starbrand is staring at him intently. Her eyes are, Tony discovers, a vibrant blue. 

“How’s she doing?” Tony says, and leans against the doorway.

“As well as I could hope for,” T’Challa says. He looks every bit as regal and composed as always, but Tony imagines that he sounds more tired than usual.

“Then you won’t mind me babysitting her for a while,” Tony says, stepping inside the room. “I’m very qualified for this, I’ve even read a book.”

Six books actually, but that just makes him sound anxious and too invested.

When is he _ not _ anxious and over-invested?

T’Challa turns his helmet over in his hands, then stands up. “Very well. She had her nap recently but she might be hungry. All necessary supplies are in the kitchen.”

“Got it,” Tony says, and steps aside to let T’Challa pass through the door. Then he goes to stand by the crib, and looks down at Starbrand. She stares at him unwaveringly. “Hi buddy,” he says, pitching his voice softer. “Wouldn’t it be fun to check out the kitchen?”

* * *

Avengers Mountain does not have a lot of windows. Yet when Steve next runs into Tony, he’s standing in front of one. He’s holding baby Starbrand and telling her about how the sun never sets in the summer at the North Pole, because of how the Earth is tilted on its axis, and Steve just has to stop and watch for a moment and think helplessly, _ god I love him. _

Of course Tony’s good with children.

Then he composes himself and steps forward. "Having fun?"

"Of course,” Tony says primly, and glances at Steve for a split-second. “Do you need something?”

Tony seems so twitchy all at once, and guilt twists Steve’s stomach. Here he is, always so clumsy in personal relationships - what good is the ability to hold speeches if he still can’t talk to Tony? “Actually, I would like to apologise for last night,” Steve says, and carefully clasps his hands behind his back so he can’t fidget. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and I-”

“Oh, don’t worry about it!” Tony smiles too brightly. “I just had a weird dream - you didn’t do anything, Cap.”

Tony’s not telling the truth, not wholly - Tony is of course entitled to his own secrets and privacy, as Steve keeps telling himself, but when Tony lies right to his face Steve always feels hurt even when Tony is obviously just trying _ not _ to hurt his feelings. _ Especially _when Tony's trying not to hurt his feelings.

At least this time Steve knows he’s not hiding anything big.

“If you say so,” Steve says, and doesn’t quite succeed at sounding chipper and unbothered. 

“I do,” Tony says, adjusting his grip on baby Starbrand. She’s watching Tony's face with rapt attention. “And now I think it’s bedtime for Starbrand, so if you don’t mind-”

“I’ll see you around later,” Steve finishes, feeling that familiar weary sadness seeping back into him, and Tony only nods to him as he rushes past.

* * *

Tony dismantles and rebuilds his armour, avoids poking at the angry anthill that is Stark Unlimited as much as possible, and looks after little Starbrand. He tells her about atoms until she falls asleep. He stays at the Mountain. He reads a few reports, even, and remembers to eat at the right times, and catches up on the news, and makes a few phone calls. He doesn’t quite _ talk _ to Carol, but they have a short discussion about baby names and teddy bears and Carol smiles at him again so Tony counts that as a success.

He doesn’t blame her for the coma - everything preceding that, whatever, it happened, yeah, but the coma… Tony's not saying that he's in _ favour _ of the coma, or that he wouldn't have chosen to wake up sooner if possible, but as it is at least he got a new body out of it. He woke up from the coma and slipped into a new skin. And this new body is perfect; no heart problems, no lingering traces of Extremis wreaking havoc with his systems. Perfect immune system. Strong new limbs that haven't been broken a hundred times over, and no scars across his chest. No scars anywhere! His skin is smooth, unnaturally so - his hands are nearly too soft, no calluses on his fingers. Unmarred to the point that he had stood in front of a mirror after a shower and not recognised himself.

Fortunately, that was easily solved too - now he has a complex tattoo of intricate geometric shapes he himself designed curling over his shoulders; interwoven lines and stars and blocky shapes. Nothing that’ll show above his collar. These are for him only; another piece of himself that is secret until he chooses to reveal them. On his back he’s got a stylised phoenix, rising up and spreading its wings across his shoulder blades.

He likes that metaphor.

And when they’d been in the hot spring together, Steve had looked at the tattoos for a long charged moment, and while that wasn’t their intended purpose, it’d still been nice. Though considering _ recent events, _ considering Monday night, and the fact that Tony now has no idea what Steve wants from him, and fuck, fuck, in retrospect that whole moment suddenly feels earth-shattering.

Has Steve always been looking back at him like_ that? _

Fuck. This is exactly why he painstakingly _ hasn’t _ been thinking about it; if he starts then he’ll never stop. There are years upon years’ worth of memories for Tony to over-analyse, try to find evidence for/against the hypothesis ‘Steve loves me back’ in and he can’t do that. He _ cannot _ do that, nope, never.

The fact that Tony would like to wake up next to Steve every single morning and kiss him while Steve most probably _ doesn’t _ want that - definitely doesn’t - was one of the last constants in Tony’s life. He doesn’t know shit about his own family tree, own debatable humanity, or where he stands with most of his friends - but pointless longing for his best friend used to be a thing that _ didn’t change. _ That _ shouldn’t _ change. He’s a futurist, he knows how these things work.

Or at least he thought he did!

Tony throws down the gauntlet on the workbench and gets up; he is doing _ nothing _ here, he should head up and answer his fucking email; that takes focus. Problem is that his identicard alerts him when he’s only just gotten in the elevator with a call to assemble - though really, that’s also a distraction, so all’s good. If he’s busy being Iron Man then he can’t worry about Tony’s problems.

He checks his card; giant jellyfish are attacking the Argentinian coast. 

Tony hits the panel of the elevator; to the sleeping quarters. His suit is in his bedroom, fortunately, and people who complain about his clothes being on the floor can suck it, the security controls to get inside of the labs _ alone _would slow him down by five minutes. Now it's two corridors and a door and then the armour assembling around him, and he picks up the helmet from the nightstand and slaps the panel he'd been messing with at the back of it closed, pulls it over his head, and he's done.

Now to the jet, and onwards to Argentina.

* * *

The sea monsters take six hours to subdue, during which every member of the team gets thrown headfirst into the ocean at least once.

After they’re done, the sun’s just rising and Steve wipes the monster slime off of his shield with his arm and remarks, “This attack was too random. Something must have forced the sea creatures here, or else…”

“Like they came here looking for something, or what?” Tony asks. 

It never turns out well when Steve thinks there’s something fishy afoot.

_ “Here?” _ demands Jennifer gruffly, and okay, whatever, Tony supposes there’s not much to steal here in the steppe wasteland.

“Hmm.” Steve looks off into the distance, where the ocean spreads out blue and endless. The very same ocean that goes on and on all the way up to Greenland. Wonders of nature, indeed.

They pile back into the jet, T’Challa and Steve in the pilots’ seats and Tony next to Carol. He can hear Steve and T’Challa talking in low voices for a good part of the trip, theorising about what the monster attack was about, why _ now, _ does it actually _ mean _ anything, and so on. Tony quietly starts making his own predictions; those monsters were actually sent by Namor, signifying his imminent declaration of war on surface dwellers. Those monsters were actually from another dimension, and the only reason Stephen Strange didn’t show up was because he was busy fighting more of them elsewhere, and soon the world will be invaded and they’ll all be buried in giant slimy jellyfish.

Then they arrive at the Mountain, and Broo runs into the hangar and yells, “Starbrand’s gone!”

"What?" 

Not possible. There were supposed to be systems in place, there were supposed to be-

“When did this happen? How long-” T’Challa starts saying.

“I don’t know! _ Yet!” _ Broo snaps. “Your systems failed, I only just discovered it-”

“Are there any leads?” Steve asks briskly, quickly.

Tony is still stuck on the fact that _ they’re the goddamn Avengers and still they just let this happen. _

“I’m looking into it!” Broo exclaims, waving a pad around. “There was a quote ‘unusual light phenomenon’ unquote in Nova Scotia, Canada, two minutes ago, though I believe that is not how the Starbrand powers usually manifest-”

“No, they don’t,” Steve agrees.

“It’s better than doing _ nothing,” _ Carol says. “Let’s get going.”

“Wait!” Broo exclaims, looking up from his pad. “There was an explosion in Iceland, near Reykjavík, just now.”

“Captain Marvel and Iron Man,” T’Challa orders. “Fly ahead, we’ll catch up with the jet.”

Nearby Reykjavík, no more specific coordinates available; Avengers make do.

It's a blindingly bright arctic day as Tony takes off, Carol right behind him.

It's many minutes to Iceland - and even then, that might be wrong, Broo’s lead could be worthless, or a distraction, a random explosion just like that random jellyfish attack all just designed to throw the Avengers off and lead them astray, a fluke. A trap. A distraction.

Or even worse: it's the real deal, but the Avengers arrive there too late.

* * *

They trace them to Iceland and no farther. At the outskirts of Kópavogur, another city immediately south of Reykjavík with a population of about thirty thousand, they find a partially collapsed warehouse with a crowd of fellow emergency personnel gathered outside. Tony and Carol arrive first and just drop down on the field in front of the building. “We’re Avengers," Tony says as he flips open his faceplate, "don’t worry." He shoves an Avengers business card at the closest firefighter before rushing inside after Carol.

Inside the warehouse it indeed looks like someone set off a bomb. The floor and walls are blackened with heat, junk and broken furniture flung against the wall. In the middle of the hall there’s some unrecognisable metal thing that’s almost completely melted. Standing around that are two firefighters and a medic, and - thank fucking god - the medic is holding a very familiar furiously crying baby.

“She’s alive,” Carol breathes, and Tony swallows back the emotion in his throat.

He steps forward, pastes on a smile and says, “Excuse me,” the medic opens his mouth and Tony quickly says, “Yeah, hi, I’m Iron Man. Anyway, that’s our baby, so could you please-”

“I’m sorry sir,” the medic begins. “But this is, erm, an emergency situation-”

“We’re Avengers,” Carol says, calm cool and collected again and smoothly cutting off the medic. “And the baby is in the Avengers’ custody.”

Though they do not, strictly, have any papers proving that. Nor any papers proving Starbrand’s legal existence. Nor any citizenship papers for her-

Tony really hopes T’Challa is working on that.

Starbrand is still crying very loudly, and the medic seems to be wavering. “Please,” Tony pleads. “We’ll get back to you with some, some adoption papers later. Or you’ll find out that no one has reported a missing baby lately, anyway, just - trust me on this.”

“Trust _ us _ on this,” Carol says, and hands over an Avengers business card to the medic, who grumbles something but lets Carol carefully take Starbrand from him.

Tony disassembles his armour quickly, giving it the order to stand sentry, and then Carol hands the baby over to him instead before going to chat with the firefighters about what happened here. Tony holds Starbrand close and starts soothingly talking about the first thing which comes to mind (structural engineering) while rocking her gently. This was too close. Far too close. He wanders back outside of the building, reassures the emergency responders that all is fine, and keeps talking to Starbrand quietly.

"We gotta get you a name," Tony tells her. "Starbrand is too obvious a name, and we can't keep calling you the baby.”

She doesn't say anything in response, of course, but it sounds like she's calming down.

Tony keeps rocking her and gazes at their surroundings, spotting the Avengers coming from far away. There's a road winding from warehouse to warehouse here, but the Avengers landed their jet on the grass beside it and are sprinting up the hill towards Tony heedless of any paved roads. He waits, calm for Starbrand’s sake, and as they arrive the others quickly flock around Tony to have a look at Starbrand. Tony says, "My armour scans declared her unhurt but-"

"We can run more tests at the Mountain," T'Challa decides. “For now… I’m just glad we found her.”

They all look at Starbrand. A baby potentially more powerful than all of them put together, but still she’s just a baby. A tiny, vulnerable human child who’s lost her parents. Now it’s up to them to protect her, because there’s no one else they can trust with this. It’s just them. And they’ve already - they’ve messed up. They’ve got to be _ better. _ But from the looks on their faces, Tony knows they’re doing this _ together. _ The Avengers have always felt like a family to him, and he really hopes Starbrand will feel that way, too, someday. Like there’ll always be someone who’s got her back.

Carol returns just then, which is just as well, and reports, “The firefighters say that it looks like a bomb, and that they don’t understand how the baby is still alive; they've obviously still got questions. But other than that, they said they found no bodies here, nor even traces of any.”

“It could be vampires.” Blade says grimly. Steve and T’Challa share a look.

Tony says, angrily, "So what have we learnt here today? That they - our enemies, who may or may not be vampires, and now we’ll never know - know she exists. How do they know she exists?"

"Your agents are all trustworthy, right, T'Challa?" Steve asks, carefully unaccusing.

"Of course." He says firmly. "Others could have planted bugs in the Mountain. Such as prisoners, or foreign delegates-"

"So, vampires," concludes Blade. “We had a vampire imprisoned, didn’t we?”

"Great, just what we needed! Now we have to worry about _ vampires _ kidnapping the baby!" Robbie throws up his hands. A medic glances their way, nervously, but doesn't move.

“We need to find out how far this information has spread,” T’Challa says. “And it’d perhaps be wise to let our allies know about the situation. We don’t know who kidnapped her, or whether they could do it again.”

Starbrand makes a whining, distressed noise in his arms and Tony says, "Good, great, let’s do that. When are we going back to the Mountain?"

“Right now,” Steve says. “Everyone, to the jet.”

Robbie and Blade leave quickly while T’Challa lingers to talk to a firefighter, but Steve and Carol tag along with Tony. Starbrand has mostly stopped crying by now, which is great for Tony’s nerves, considering what she just did to that warehouse and her kidnappers, and also because oh, he just doesn’t want her to be scared. She deserves so much better than this. “It’s okay,” he tells her, softly, and Steve gives him an indecipherable look, his eyes weirdly soft.

Tony is abruptly reminded of _ that which he has not been thinking about. _

“Right,” Carol drawls. “I’m taking the co-pilot’s seat. You two can sit in the back.”

* * *

They sit down at the back of the jet in seats next to each other and strap themselves in (shit, they've got to make a baby car seat for Starbrand), and Steve wordlessly hands Tony a blanket which he then wraps Starbrand up in, and Steve smiles at him. You strive and strive and strive to make yourself understood but then there’s the ones who get Tony even when he’s not making any sense, the relief of that like a warm glow nestled by his heart. The way Steve can read him, instinctively know what moves he’ll make in battle - sometimes all the history between them feels heavy and tangled, too many threads, but in instances like this it feels like- Tony thinks this is what _ home _ is supposed to feel like. He and Steve are undeniably connected. Here is someone who knows what happened before and who cares to find out what happens after.

Steve can’t possibly be this goddamn besotted with him, like Tony is. Steve is the star Tony navigates after, often the reason Tony tries so hard to be better, stronger - the need to always ask his opinion is an urge he fights off constantly. Who would Tony even_ be _ without this hopeless secret love?

Yeah, Steve is not even near this level. In this _ one _ instance Tony eclipses Steve at something.

_ But why did Steve say that. _

Tony looks down at Starbrand to see if she needs any help but she's asleep, she’s actually asleep, and now there's nothing more for Tony to do and by jet it'll take 30 minutes just to get back to the Mountain, and they _ haven’t even started yet, _ and Tony is stuck here in the back with Steve, only them and Carol in the plane. Fuck, does Steve even remember any of that night? Was he even _ awake _ when he said it? Maybe Steve just talks in his sleep.

Sharon could probably tell Tony - oh no, bucket of ice-water to Tony’s face, but is Steve even _ single _right now?

"Steve," Tony asks gravely. “Are you seeing someone?”

“What?” Steve looks at him and frowns; but what you can count on is Steve always telling the truth, so next he says. “No, I’m not. Why’re you asking?”

Tony glances out the window, sees the others talking to firefighters, and looks back at Steve. Says slowly, “Remember that night when the heating broke and we all had to bunk together?”

“You mean five days ago? Yeah.” Steve looks at him steadily, patiently, his cowl pulled back so that his hair sticks up in tufts and he’s so beautiful. Tony loses his nerve just by looking at him, his mouth drying up.

“Nevermind,” he says.

And that’s the end. Chapter closed. He doesn’t add anything to that word, and then - he can see the future after this so clearly: Tony never mentions it again but he nearly always thinks about it, weeks, months and eventually it’ll fade out of relevance in his mind as whatever war comes next will tear the Avengers apart, or maybe Tony’ll meet someone else who makes him feel this crazy and then for a while they’ll be his whole world instead until eventually they leave him or get killed because of him and Steve and Sharon will get together again and-

It could turn out a whole lot worse.

“Tony?” Steve says, and oh. If only his name out of Steve’s mouth, the sound of it, if it could describe him. If he could be as good as what Steve thinks of him.

The only thing Tony can do is try to be brave. 

“I’m not seeing anyone either,” Tony says all in a rush. He’ll never be 100% sure about Steve’s feelings; there’s no point where it wouldn’t feel this nerve-wracking to ask this question. This is the best possible time and place he’ll ever get. “So, can I take you out sometime?”

“You’d want to go on a date with me?” Steve looks taken aback. Steve sounds perplexed. Tony is just one second away from desperately backtracking when it registers that Steve also sounds _ awestruck. _

“I’ve wanted to for a long time,” Tony says.

Steve’s smile is radiant and hits Tony like a blow to his stomach. This is _ it. _ He’s done it. He _ said _ it. Steve’s cheeks are a lovely pink and he licks his lips once before saying, “I’d love to, Tony,” and Tony would unstrap his seat harness and climb into Steve’s lap, here and now, if only he didn’t have a baby in his arms.

“Does tomorrow work for you?” Tony asks.

“At six? We could probably use the teleporter.”

“Or I’ll take you flying,” Tony suggests. It’d be an inconveniently long distance to fly, of course, in arctic temperatures even though it’s summer so really-

“Maybe,” Steve says, and Tony stops thinking and just smiles back.

They’ll decide tomorrow. For now they’re going home.


End file.
